Cereal Consumer Collage

by brokenrecordbaby

My sis Anissa and I went to a supermarket in Queens to stalk up on bagels. When Anissa goes abroad she only eats bagels. She lives in Amsterdam and apparently Dutchies don’t do bagels. So, after her breakfast and lunch bagel she had run out when we had to re-stock.

We got a bit distracted by the cereal aisle. It is fucking ridiculous…not a big surprise but ridiculous. Fruity neon coloured pebbles, fruit loops with marshmallows, peanut butter crunch, poisonous green apple loops, yoghurt cheerios….I don’t know how parents can start their kid’s day off with this shit. Amazing.

Also, all toilet paper is on the very top shelves so Anissa had to climb up for it. The toilet paper cost 13 dollars. More than a 12 pack of beer.

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Neighbours

by brokenrecordbaby

Last week Wednesday, Jack left for L.A and Anisa for Berlin. Robyn and I were left alone in our flat for a week and we were both determined that we would keep the flat as clean and tidy as when our other house mates were occupying the space with us.

Everyday they have been gone Robyn and I have not been able to stop talking our great work up enough.  My room, which in actual fact is never ever tidy has remained tidy ALL WEEK. Oh wow. So on Wednesday night, it was our last night before Jack returned from L.A. No dirty dishes, no washing in the washing machine…clean rooms intact.  Happily chatting away about what a nice week we have had and how peaceful it has been we both retired to bed. Just as I was getting cosy under my covers I hear a loud noise outside one of my windows, it sounded like somebody had ‘bomb divided’ into a swimming pool. Startled I get up to investigate and on closer inspection the loud noise that has disturbed my perfect peaceful week is the result of one of my inconsiderate neighbours above violently vomiting the contents of their stomach over my window and splashing INTO my bedroom. Horrified I stood there in shock, the vomiting continued.  Quickly the moans and groans ceased- at this point I yell above me at the hideous human being . He closed his window.

I actually wanted to kill this person, this faceless stranger who has turned my mood from calm to murderous within the space of four minutes. I stormed outside of my flat to chat with my security guard. What a pointless mission.  When I said to him it was obviously the flat directly above me, he just kept asking me why I didn’t make eye contact with the guy. Uhh maybe because I didn’t want a face full of vomit on top of a window and windowsill full of one? Whatever. I wasn’t going to deal with that mess that night…ew so gross that I left it over night. The next day I had planned to create a couple of abusive posters to decorate our buildings reception area with, but something about the security guards attitude to the whole situation just diiiidddnn’t add up.

Like, when I was telling him about what had happened he was so quick to defend the flat above me and just kept shaking his head in disbelief to the idea that it could have been them. Anyway, so the next morning I clean up my windows and the bit of my wall where the vomit had also reached. Gah. I have cleaned up a lot of hideous things in my life, I’m going to put it out there and say this way the very worst. Meaty, red, beer smelling vomit. I heard noises outside my window as I was cleaning from someone cleaning up vomit too, I thought it might have been the culprit and started yelling out. Turns out, it was my neighbour below who was also cleaning up this fuckwit’s vomit.  This really gross situation had turned into a little bit of neighbourly bonding. It was really great.

Utilitarian Art Part 2

by brokenrecordbaby

So, couple days ago I posted about Charlotte’s landlord’s art being used by handymen to clean up their mess.

This has happened before. She’s got a 100 dollar bill en printed toilet paper roll hanging in her living room and Manu told me that a couple of weeks ago some other handymen were in the flat and thinking they were being helpful and nice they unravelled sheets and sheets of this toilet roll to then whipe some stuff up. Obviously much to Virginie’s dismay. She went ape shit. She is just not getting any respect for her art. But…all this art about women cleaning up and not having many rights is just being proved wrong again and again….these handymen are just all about cleaning up after themselves…and still she is upset. Women.

Last Saturday…my bad

by brokenrecordbaby

Last Saturday I had a mammoth day. My boarding school friend Ann Kathrin had stayed the night but was leaving that afternoon. She really wanted to go to Magnolia Bakery which we did. I don’t like cupcakes. I’ve had this discussion many times. They are the attention whores of the baked good world. Think they look and taste soooo fucking good with their over the top coloured and sickly sweet tasting icing. And you know they are going into town when they’ve got sprinkles to top themselves off. They are just miniature versions of muffins. They got less taste and less quantity. I am so not falling for their annoyingly cute looks. But apparently half of NY is….there was a line to get into the shop. Jesus.

Anyway after I dropped Ann Kathrin off at Penn Station I went to the Fashion Institute…not mind blowing but it was free. Then I stumbled upon an amazing vintage/antique fleamarket in Hell’s Kitchen. And then I met up with Jordan. He was the guy that bought me flowers out in Williamsburg. He is a real Manhattanite so he wanted to show me around.

We met by the Hudson River ‘cos we were taking a tour of Manhattan on a speed boat called the Beast. It took us down the Hudson River, to the Statue of Liberty and back up the island. The tour guide on it was a huuuuuuge Hell’s Angels type dude that strutted around the boat armed with a water gun and water bombs randomly seeking out his victims. It didn’t make too much of a difference if he soaked you because the Beast was doing a pretty good job of that anyway.

battery city

After the boat we went to Jordan’s place for some drinks and he played/sang me some songs on his piano. He’s got crazy talent. He can sit there and compose a song on the spot. You would never know it was improvised.

Then we hit up a famous comedy club called the Comedy Strip where Seinfeld, Sandlers, Rock etc. have performed. It was mega funny. Which I realize is a pretty standard description of a comedy club. But it was.

Jordan then took me to the Top of the Rock which is the viewing platform at the top of the Rockefeller Center. I was preeeeeeetty high on gin at this point so this next part is just a big colourful swirl of city lights and disco elevators with transparent ceilings. The view was amazing though and probably better than going on the Empire building as you actually get to see it if you’re on the Rock.

We then met up with Charlotte and big fucking surprise…went to Pianos where we met Randolph, Manu and some other people. Again….big blur.

We all ended up at my place, had drinks on my roof as the sun was rising and crashed out. Mammoth day.