Last week Wednesday, Jack left for L.A and Anisa for Berlin. Robyn and I were left alone in our flat for a week and we were both determined that we would keep the flat as clean and tidy as when our other house mates were occupying the space with us.
Everyday they have been gone Robyn and I have not been able to stop talking our great work up enough. My room, which in actual fact is never ever tidy has remained tidy ALL WEEK. Oh wow. So on Wednesday night, it was our last night before Jack returned from L.A. No dirty dishes, no washing in the washing machine…clean rooms intact. Happily chatting away about what a nice week we have had and how peaceful it has been we both retired to bed. Just as I was getting cosy under my covers I hear a loud noise outside one of my windows, it sounded like somebody had ‘bomb divided’ into a swimming pool. Startled I get up to investigate and on closer inspection the loud noise that has disturbed my perfect peaceful week is the result of one of my inconsiderate neighbours above violently vomiting the contents of their stomach over my window and splashing INTO my bedroom. Horrified I stood there in shock, the vomiting continued. Quickly the moans and groans ceased- at this point I yell above me at the hideous human being . He closed his window.
I actually wanted to kill this person, this faceless stranger who has turned my mood from calm to murderous within the space of four minutes. I stormed outside of my flat to chat with my security guard. What a pointless mission. When I said to him it was obviously the flat directly above me, he just kept asking me why I didn’t make eye contact with the guy. Uhh maybe because I didn’t want a face full of vomit on top of a window and windowsill full of one? Whatever. I wasn’t going to deal with that mess that night…ew so gross that I left it over night. The next day I had planned to create a couple of abusive posters to decorate our buildings reception area with, but something about the security guards attitude to the whole situation just diiiidddnn’t add up.
Like, when I was telling him about what had happened he was so quick to defend the flat above me and just kept shaking his head in disbelief to the idea that it could have been them. Anyway, so the next morning I clean up my windows and the bit of my wall where the vomit had also reached. Gah. I have cleaned up a lot of hideous things in my life, I’m going to put it out there and say this way the very worst. Meaty, red, beer smelling vomit. I heard noises outside my window as I was cleaning from someone cleaning up vomit too, I thought it might have been the culprit and started yelling out. Turns out, it was my neighbour below who was also cleaning up this fuckwit’s vomit. This really gross situation had turned into a little bit of neighbourly bonding. It was really great.