N.H.S (No Help Soz) Dramz Part 2 of Undefinite

by brokenrecordbaby

I’ve entertained my healthy German friends with NHS horror stories for yeeeeeeeeears (three years) so I was super excited when my bezzie Kaija was able to experience the dramz first hand. She visited me a couple weeks ago. I greeted her with a severe cold and she brought along a bladder infection. Fun times. After two sleepless nights of hot water bottles, tea and bloody pee Kaija had to get anti bs. The girl’s got international travel insurance but I persisted she not use it. The NHS won’t even let me see a doctor at a medical centre 15 minutes away from my house so good luck getting any sort of help armoured with a passport and an international insurance. I told Kaija to pretend to be me. All she needed to know was my address (turned out they didn’t ask anyway) and my date of birth. I needed some meds as well and Kaija said she’d hook me up.

After the routine, but none the less pointless, ritual of calling in at 8am for an appointment Kaija and I hit up the Bethnal Green medical centre. She told the receptionist my date of birth (apparently the only information you need for an Access All Area NHS service) Kaija was seen after a mere ten minute wait (oh wow!) and after another five minutes (no lie) she was back out carrying two prescriptions. One for her and one for me. But officially both for me requested by not me.

The doc did not test Kaija for her bladder infection. No urine sample was taken to confirm that there actually was bacteria in her pee or that there was blood in her pee. Instead the doctor prescribed Kaija with 65 tablets of anti bs, told her to take them and come back for a test when she is feeling better. Nigga what? Her instructions to taking these little pills of wonder were quite special as well.

“You can take 2 pills twice a day. Or just two pills. Or three. Just don’t take all of them.”

“Um ok…for how long?”

“Three days or five. But not longer than a week.”

I haven’t mentioned that Kaija is a med student with a good portion of general knowledge so thank god she knew exactly how to take anti bs. But people who have grown up with the NHS…fuck knows what crazy pill cocktails they treat their bodies to. Kaija, knowing that alcohol and sports are strictly prohibited when on anti bs, asked the doctor how to go about anyway:

“Oh no, alcohol is fine. Not too much. And you can still do sports.”

The meds which Kaija got for me (obvs the doc couldn’t check her for symptoms but she didn’t know that) have hooked me up…for life. Literally. The doctor gave her 150 tablets. Together with Kaija’s 65 anti bs we could have treated a whole African village of sick children.